Desperate Ruminations

The founder of AMG finally asked me—his dear old Da—to join the ranks of this elite corp of thought-provoking word smiths.

My first entry below was the by-product of some honest and painful self-evaluation. I'm not sure if it reflects the universal experience of God's people, or just the anxieties of one man alone. You be the judge.


I want the DNA God has granted me—
My unique sequence of genetic code—to matter
In the playing out of His
Grand scheme.

I hope the life God as entrusted to me is more
Than mere existence; more than purposeless
Wandering with no
Meaning.

I dream the gifts God has bestowed on me
Will glorify His name with excellence
While they bring pleasure to His
Image-bearers.

I pray the deeds God has willed me to do
Will demonstrate true charity, humility,
And Christ-focused
Piety.

Yet…

I despair: God seems far removed
From the vain toil and grind
Of a life motivated by
Selfish ambition.

I give up: God cannot approve of a heart
Devoted to lesser gods that soon perish—He
Must turn His holy face away—as they
Vie for His glory.

I confess: God is not—long has not been—the
Mover of my affections or the first Love that
Makes my soul swoon with
Unbridled passion.

I quail: God—to whom I owe all—
Will one day judge my every attitude,
Word, and deed only to
Find me wanting.

I fear: God in His just wrath will pour out the
Full measure of woe—all that secret sins and
Half-truths told deserve—for long-harbored
Hypocrisy.

I cry out: God show mercy to a stone-hearted
Sinner—whose misdeeds prove him a sinner—whom death
Will claim if he lacks a heart made flesh by Your
Transforming hand.

I repent: God take the guilt, the reeking
Offal of self; consume it entirely in the raging
Effulgence of eternal,
Unbounded glory.